


Emo Ramblings of a Sad College Student

by orphan_account



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Depression, Don't Read This, Emotional Baggage, Inner Dialogue, Isolation, Loneliness, Rambling, Rants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:17:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I wrote this in the library during my lunch break and thought it was really well worded, but damn is it emo. People love that shit though and someone might be able to relate to my situation. If anyone ever reads this, that is...





	Emo Ramblings of a Sad College Student

The days are monotone, repeating the same sequences of events over and over again, yet I feel no sense of constancy anywhere. I feel alone and abandoned. This isn’t to say that I have nobody to talk to. I have lots of people who love me and care for me, but they’re all so far away. I love them with all my heart, but nobody knows that but me and them. We have our friendships to ourselves, and I’m unable to show that to the world in the way that I so desperately want to.

I can’t laugh hysterically with them while out in public, causing other people around us to stare. No. instead I get to laugh by myself to a screen, while those around me wonder to themselves if I have anything better to do with my life.

  
I can’t take them to my favorite places around town. All I can do it offer some blurry, poorly taken pictures that could never truly capture the essence of the strange little path behind the science buildings where I spend most of my free time.

  
I have a different presence in real life than I do online. To others who see me only through their own screens, I’m bright and bubbly and funny. But to the people that get the ‘privilege’ (as my internet friends would call it) of seeing me every day, it’s a little different. I’m quiet and unapproachable.

  
People aren’t typically the type to approach others in person unless absolutely necessary. But I give off a vibe that suggests ‘if you try to talk to me you’ll probably regret it’. So, I don’t have much luck with making friends in my “real world”.

  
Of course, I tell all this to my acquaintances via social media, but there’s not much they can do. I’ll get showered with compliments and love and things like ‘I’m always here for you’ and ‘I’ll talk to you if you’re lonely’. I appreciate the small gestures, but that’s all they are. Small gestures that try to hold more meaning than they are able to carry by themselves.

  
The truth is, they aren’t always there for me. It’s not their fault, and I would never blame them for this. But sometimes the power goes out, the signal is bad, or my phone dies on me. These are the times when I’m the most lonely and afraid. It’s completely pathetic to be so dependent on something as simple a 7-inch screen, that it controls my emotions so intensely.

  
Another truth is that they can’t talk to me when I’m feeling lonely. And this is a fact that’s entirely because of me. When I’m lonely and sad, it’s hard to be the charming jokester they all know me as, so I isolate myself from others. I don’t want them to see the part of me that acts broken and pitiful. They’ll tell me they don’t mind, and maybe they really don’t, but that doesn’t matter. That version of me isn’t the me that they thought they befriended. It’s not the person they go to talk to when they want some company of their own.

 


End file.
